WE ARE LIVE.

DocASAP launched in Philadelphia on July 1st. First step. Big step. You can check it out here. Currently the site features dentists in Center City, Philadelphia area. If you are in the vicinity and looking for a dental appointment, do give it a shot. Any feedback on user experience, features and functionality are very welcome and will be much appreciated. We really want to know how we can improve.

That’s one of the big updates that I have for now. The second, is that my location has changed. On 1st July, I bid adieu to the United States. Currently in India for a month, we’ll be moving to London by the middle of August. I haven’t done enough justice to experiences in the United States, I wish I were more comprehensive and disciplined when it came to recording them in the blog. But there’s still hope – I’m sure I’ll find a reason to remember and write more about the place in spite of being displaced. After all, isn’t writing based on experiences of the past?


I’m a witness of the magnificent monsoons in Kerala now. Having reminisced innumerable times in the last few years about the smell of the wet earth and the sound of the raindrops on leaves; I can’t describe how much pleasure it is to have reality touch the frayed edges of memory. And having been unable to savor the true taste of puttu and kadala, dosa and sambar in all its local, coconuty glory for sometime now, I have a tiny inkling of what deprivation might feel like. How many times in my childhood have I whined about having puttu and kadala for breakfast, and the travails of having parboiled rice for lunch! What a criminal act that was! What I wouldn’t do for the luxury to be able to sit by a stove with a steel plate and wait – wait for the ghee on the dosa on the cast iron pan to sizzle and glow brown- wait for that somebody to whisk it off the pan and flip it on my plate, sending hazy vapours of ghee smelling streaks to its edges! Sweet, special, savory memories of love.

While this post began with the announcement of the launch of DocASAP, it is also a sort of resurrection for the blog – an end to the inactivity of the past 3 months. My apologies for the lack of discipline.

With this, I’ll stop for now. Once again, do let us know what we can do to make DocASAP better. We are all ears.

THE COST OF GOOD HEALTH

Sometimes, we need a complete makeover to start over – like a sudden, impulsive (and short) haircut. I miss the sunset on my blog but I wanted some light. And for that, what’s better than classic white? I also like the floral chaos on the header. Anyways, its here to stay till I tire of it.

The last month has been busy. I have been able to get involved with a new project which required the resurrection of some learned (and forgotten) skills. I have realized how much the internet has changed in the last two years. Nothing is difficult anymore. And the Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V is a handy set of buttons in the process of web development. This project, if successful, will allow people in the US to book doctor appointments online. In order to understand why this project is a remarkable idea, one has to know the sad state of health care in the US.

Take us, for example. Fali and I pay close to 4000$ a year in health insurance. Every insurance provider has a set of doctors registered with them. If you visit any OTHER doctor of your choice who is not in the insurance network, you pay MUCH more per consultation. Otherwise, you pay your ‘CO-PAY’ which is written on your health card (25$ in our case). You would think that covers every visit of yours to the doctor. BUT.

If the doctor you go to sends his lab test to a third-party for processing, you have to pay for that. Oh, and then there is the ‘DEDUCTIBLE’ which is, the minimum amount you HAVE to pay before your insurance actually kicks in. ($250 for each of us). Our insurance specifies one annual FREE check up which I availed of in November last year. And received a bill of 80$ two months later for lab tests and items that were ‘not covered’ by the insurance. When I looked at the bill, I couldn’t make head or tail of the tests they ordered. When I called up the insurance company, they asked me to take it up with my doctor. When I called the doctor, the receptionist was hard to talk to. I am still engaged in that battle.

That’s not even considering the bigger task : APPOINTMENTS. In order to get an appointment with a doctor on a certain day, you need to call several weeks in advance. For the general checkup I had in November I called for an appointment in the first week of September. So, what if you have an emergency and need to see a doctor pronto? One option. Go to the ER dept of a hospital and wait in line with all the other patients who are in just as much as pain to see a doctor. At first, I didn’t even understand it – WHAT IS THE POINT OF GETTING A DOCTOR APPOINTMENT TWO MONTHS AFTER I HAVE A PROBLEM? WHAT IF THE DISEASE KILLS ME BEFORE THAT?

So why even bother taking insurance? Because one time, a friend of mine had a rash and was taken to ER ‘cos they thought it was spreading. The doctor admitted him and gave him a strong antibiotic via IV for 4 days. Though they didn’t know why it came, the rash disappeared. At the end of 4 months, they sent him the medical bill. $25000. Which the insurance company paid. That’s why we need insurance.

In short, you still end up paying more than your insurance premium. In spite of which, if you want to meet your doctor immediately, you can’t. I have walked into a doctor’s office dreading what it will cost me – the bill always comes later. I resent looking at the bill and knowing fully well that these numbers are not entirely true . And WHY are medicines SO expensive here? I hate the struggle to understand the health insurance brochure. I hate having to understand disguised terms like ‘CO-PAY’ and ‘DEDUCTIBLE’. It is so obviously convoluted. A doctor’s visit and the process later feels like navigating a minefield. You HAVE to ask all the right questions before hand to get the relevant information. Educate yourself.

So, in the light of all this, if there is a system that can list all the doctors who have open appointments and allow you to book it online, it is a BIG blessing. Which is what the aforementioned project does.

If you really think about it, I realize that its one big sham – the insurance companies, the hospitals, the pharmaceutical companies –an elaborate game of exploitation on the single principle that is valuable to everybody – a healthy life. Now that’s a whole different, long story.

Why no WHY?

Nothing brings clarity like real hardship does. I just realized today that nobody seems to be talking about Osama, terrorism or religious differences for quite some time now. It is a good time to ask ourselves “What does religion mean to us?” Is it ritual? Is it custom/tradition? Is it belief/faith (in something/someone)? Is it a source of strength? Or, is it an understanding of our way of life?

There are some questions about religion (in general) that make me distinctly uncomfortable. Why is any kind of religion exclusive? Why does religion divide the people who follow it, from others who don’t? Believers in God do dream of reaching ‘heaven’, in their own 'specified way' but are there separate heavens for different religions? Funny thing is, though the heavens may be separate, hell is always the same. The kind where everybody burns in. When a religion categorically states that only its followers will attain heaven, what happens to everybody else?When they preach that you are ‘special’ to be born into a certain religion, how is it decided what you are born as? And this one takes the cake : There are so many ways of becoming an ‘infidel’ but the surest way you can become one is TO QUESTION.

I feel that religion is manipulated by a lot of today’s priests solely for personal gain. Why else would they instill fear in people and talk perpetually of a God who is standing by ready to punish you? Why else would they tell their people not to question? Religious institutions are also big political institutions. It is such a clever way of assuming power without the danger of rebellion. Erase the very nature that makes us human: that of ours to ask “Why”. If it weren’t for this quality of ours, we would still be living in caves. When something thwarts that very nature, I am surprised that we don’t realize it. Asking people to follow without questioning is like creating an army of robots; who do what they are told without thinking about why they are doing it. Clearly something is wrong.

I heard an interesting story recently: A little boy went to local place of worship every weekend for a ‘class of religion’. As part of this class children were made to read aloud from the religious texts. The little boy dreaded this part because it was so boring and he never understood any of it. To escape from this ordeal, he tried to pass time by asking the priest who taught the class, a lot of questions. One day, the following conversation transpired:

Little boy : Teacher, tell me where is the earth situated?
Priest : (after thinking for a bit), the earth is situated on a giant bull’s horns. When the bull shakes its head, the earth shifts from one horn to the other. That’s how we have earthquakes.
Little boy: Where is the bull situated?
Priest: (again after some thought), the bull is standing on a giant fish.
Little boy : Then where is the fish?
Priest : The fish is in the water.
Little boy : Then where is the water?
The Priest thinks for a few seconds, he can’t say ‘earth’ now because the earth is already on the bull’s head.
He replies : Oh no! don’t you ever ask that question again or you will burn in hell!

This is a simple story but is very profound in that it portrays exactly what is happening today.
The truth is that the greatest answers come to those who are not afraid to question. And may we always be aware of that fact. A quote by Friedrich Nietzche says “He who has a why can endure any how.”

This was a difficult post for me to write. The topic is sensitive and opinions are varied. But then I thought, why should I fear asking my questions?

Happy New Year!

I’m back after a long break. Visited India after a year and a half and am still stuck in a kind of bittersweet limbo. Somewhere between a past filled with green coconut trees and a future lined with glass and concrete buildings.

We visited Mumbai, Chennai and Kerala. Like always, dear Mumbai gave us a lot of trouble – dust filled air passages and bumper-to-bumper traffic rides; but it also gave us cutting chai and vada pav and a glimpse of the truth that we call humanity. Humanity that is stark naked with all its imperfection and all its beauty; with all its profanity and all its sympathy. Chattrapathi Shivaji airport is undergoing a massive transformation; like a massive crumpled cotton dress, things are getting ironed out, bit by bit. On account of which, we waited ten hours in a tiny waiting area filled with about 50 chairs for our flight. Because the airport’s cloakroom was demolished, we had no place to keep our luggage. And thus we waited in that area with other passengers who had late-night international flights to catch. There was a nun from Calcutta who was going back to Burundi for her mission. She talked about her brothers and family whom she met in Calcutta after a long time. She spoke English with an accent that rocked between an Indian and African. She helped a lady from Goa fill out her immigration form. 19 years she spent in Africa, she said. She spoke a little about the different places she visited and about the lives of the people there. Her most recent posting was not in a good area, a lot more crime; it seems. Rebels followed a man who went to an ATM to deposit money. When he came out, they demanded money which he did not have on him at the time. They killed him.

Kerala – a place that hasn’t changed even after so many years. The belief of its communist people have ensured that it stays that way. I don’t know if its good or bad. But, on a selfish note, for people returning home for a balm to soothe them, it is good to see Kerala still as it used to be. The gentle breeze that sways the palm trees, sways my heart in strange ways as well. It awakens thoughts that were asleep in me; of games of hide-and-seek and house-house. Of broken hawai chappals and scraped knees. Of tree bark used as medicine. Tastes of raw mangoes mixed with salt and chilly. Of light, cool coconut-water. Of the stickiness of jackfruit sap on my fingers. Smells of burnt embers at makeshift stoves of stone. Of mustiness of wood and age in cupboards that you open. Sounds of spices crushed on a stone, of cloth beating against the washing stone, of cows, of water drawn from the well, of rustling leaves, devotional songs from the nearby temple. Thoughts of store rooms that smell like stored food. Banana Chips in big plastic containers. Ripe plantains hung from a hook on the ceiling. Thoughts of the little fish in the nearby pond caught in a glass bottle kept on the fridge. Sights of the skin of peeled onions and garlic carefully kept aside so that they can be dumped in flower pots as manure. Banana peels kept aside to be put in the water drained from rice so that they can be given to the cow in the neighbor’s house. Curry leaves and left overs from food kept aside so that they can be fed to the chickens. One feeds the other, nothing goes waste. And everything fits in the cycle; there is place for everybody and everything. Such is the beauty of home.

O is for Oscillating October

This month has been about waiting and ignoring – the fewer days of sun, the occasional loneliness, not being able to get what we want. It has been about putting on winter clothes and jackets and shrinking inside its warmth. It has been about remembering and trying to mend broken things, about being rejected and still trying.

One day I went to the planetarium with friends. It is only a few minutes away from where I stay and yet, I have never been there in the past one year. I stared into the dome of spiraling stars for forty five minutes feeling small and insignificant. We know so much and still, we worry about all the little things. We know how big the earth is, our galaxy is, our universe is. We know about the amazing phenomenon of the Northern Lights, how many moons Jupiter has, what their names are and yet, we worry about whether we have a matching pair of shoes for that red dress, or what the fastest way to get an iPhone will be. We know that we won’t be around for even a fraction of the life of a single, twinkling star in that sky of millions and yet, we think about whether we should forgive that person who hurt us in this life? We have a sense of self-importance that is bigger than the space that surrounds us. While the Universe that has survived ages stares in our face humbly every day and night, we wonder, ‘Is it ok to have a black man be President of the United States?’

Up on the terrace, we looked at Jupiter and the Moon through huge telescopes. I was amazed ! The moon looked like peaceful white cheese. The rings on Jupiter – like soft, twirling caramel. We know so much. We worry so much.

After an entire month of ignoring the newspaper, I opened it today and read a few pages about that man the world is looking to now. People have their skepticisms; but this is a man who has grown from an ordinary mould – not one of those pedigreed people resting on family laurels. This is a different man, intelligent , apparently sincere, who can speak with passion. I hope he does well. Watching the videos of his speech last night, the truth hit me .What people want is a leader who can stand in front of the masses and speak like that – to inspire. The world needs this President to be organized , innovative and tireless, but most of all we need him to be able to strike optimism into hearts that have been repeatedly been beaten down for the last eight years. Heartiest wishes and prayers to President Barack Obama to face the challenges that lie ahead.

As tomorrow comes, I ask God for one thing; the right (and not others’) perspective. Today is about closing this chapter of October and looking ahead. November is here – without the rain.

THE BUCK BETTER STOP HERE.

The Great Depression of 1929 – is it coming alive again? I’m terrible at money-matters but I’m not isolated from them. I’m also surrounded by business students and friends who are studying business. I screw up my nose at the scattered sheets of the Wall Street Journal around the house every day. In between all this, some information gets past the barricades of nerve ganglions and actually transforms themselves into impulses that my brain can understand. For the past two weeks, the headlines of the Wall Street Journal have been big, bold and black and I couldn’t help but look.

A year ago. My first baby steps into the world of business, through the experiences of others. Who’s an Investment Banker? What is Private Equity? What is a Hedge Fund? Who can tell me without using words like ‘leverage’ and ‘valuation’? Thus began my quest for answers about Wall Street. It is a known fact that a majority of students from This Business School end up on Wall Street. Last year, I asked a lot of students what they want to do after B-school.

ROAR.
“Banking. The big ones. Goldman. Merill Lynch. Morgan Stanley”
“Private Equity SHOP” (P.S. this SHOP does not sell parippu vada)
“Investment Management”
“Hedge Fund”

TINY SQUEAK.
“General Management”
“Start-Up”
“Technology management.”

WHISPER.
“Healthcare”

Not till last month, when I watched ‘Pretty Woman’ after eight years did I realize that Richard Gere was a ‘Private Equity Guy’. Till then, he was just a really rich guy who could buy anything he wanted. Same difference, I guess! Anyways, I still wanted answers. With carefully considered friends (who were also students) and who did banking internships to see what it was like, I asked them to explain to me what went on behind that big Gold Bull on Wall Street. So, they introduced me to the ‘Buy Side’ and ‘Sell Side’ (which I promptly forgot in a few weeks’ time). But I understood what drives them all. To be fair, at least most of them. Money. Lots of it. Till recently.

So why is Depression on the horizon? Here is a story for people like me who like simple, real words.

MEET BILL

Once upon time, Bill and his wife had a dream of owning a nice house. But Bill was a farmer who barely made ends meet. People were taking housing loans but Bill couldn’t because he was unemployed seasonally. Then Bill met John who said he’d give him a loan even if he was unemployed. But even in the fairy tale, The Little Mermaid lost her voice to be on land.

“Interests rates will be high because its risky for us to give money to a loser like you. 15%.”

Bill’s conscience goes into a panic attack. His wife would be so happy. He could find work (eventually). A poor man’s dreams triumphs.

“I’ll take it!” The deal is signed.


MEET JOHN

But John has a different plan. He doesn’t want to take responsibility of a debt like this. He knows what to do. He’s calculating the money he has to get on his excel sheet. He realizes that at the end of 20 years he’s going to make a lot of money with interest. He divides this into smaller amounts. He wraps each of these smaller amounts in fancy packaging. He calls it (ironically) "a security". THEN he SELLS it to bigger banks. He tells them,

“You see, this guy Bill is going to pay really high interest. You guys are going to make a lot of money on this. After I sell, Bill’s interest is going to come to you now.” The banks says “Great! We’ll buy it.” Now, John is rich.

MEET THE BANKS….

Over to the Banks. The Banks have a plan. Thing is, they had a lot of borrowed money of their own which they owed back, but they told their borrowers, “Don’t worry, we’ll pay you back. We have Bill’s security. He’s paying a lot of interest, so we’ll give you the money that we get from that.”

…AND THE WHOLE SHEBANG
Suddenly Wall Street is aware of this really cool way to make money. More people get in the game. “Have you heard about Bill’s security”, the whispers go around.
Meanwhile, Bill and his happy wife have been paying their loan for the past six months. One day Bill comes home and tell his wife
“We don’t have any more money.”
Bill stops paying his loan. Bill is depressed, his wife is depressed but they just don’t have the money. His wife tells him angrily,
“We should never have bought the house!”
“They should never have let us,” says Bill. “I told them I was unemployed from time to time!”

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE….. (drumroll)… A CRISIS!!!

Now the Banks realize that they are not getting paid. They call John. But John is vacationing in the Bahamas with the money he received for the securities. His cell-fone says “I’m on vacation. Please leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you.”

Just like the Banks, every other player in the game who has tried to make money on Bill’s high interest rate is worried. They owe money to people and since they bet that Bill would pay his interest for the next 20 years (and Bill isn’t), now people don’t trust them anymore.

There were so many people like Bills, Johns and the Banks. There were so many Isurance companies and other financial institutions. A lot of them knew that Bill wouldn’t be able to pay his interest for long. But the Johns and the Banks thought, “So what? I’d have made my money by then. We’ll face it when it happens. The system will take care of itself.”

That’s exactly what is NOT happening now. The tower of tottering Lego bricks on Bill’s foundation is crumbling. In fact, Bill has returned his house.The sad thing is,

Bill has lost his life’s savings
Bill has lost his house.
John has made money.
The Bankers have made money.

Now since the economy is so bad, the government is considering lending its money to the Banks and Financial Institutions. The government’s money is the money that the people of the United States pay as taxes. It comes from the salaries of accountants, clerks, salesmen and women, marketing people, engineers, doctors, mechanics, carpenters – all the Bills of the United States. If the government lends this money to the Banks to stabilize the building, and if they don’t make sure that greedy people don’t start selling imitations like “SECURITY” that has nothing in it, John will make more money and people like Bill will lose more.

And so, it brings me to the word that I’ve chosen not to use until just one line ago. Greed : which is what I associate with bankers. Their uncontrolled and unregulated greed. Bankers are out on the streets, looking for jobs; looking for a place they can hide till things settle down and they can come out again. Do I sympathize with them? No. Because I’m always thinking about Bill and the house he lost.

Money that comes easy, may stay a little while, but it will also go easy. My thoughts on the banking profession are gray because I have seen them take away so much in so little time. They place huge bets on short term money – NOT a smart way to play.

The Banking profession needs to do a lot more to establish its credibility. It remains to be seen if Investment Banks will get a chance to do that. People don’t know what value is any more. Value used to be defined by what the Banks established them to be. But today, they just are not credible. I do not resent that they make so much money. I resent that they make so much money at the cost of a common man’s desperation.

People may argue that we need to look at things objectively, but I identify myself with the people who worry about common problems in daily life, about monthly budgets, tuition for college education and affordable healthcare. I WILL think with my heart. Perhaps, bankers are wondering if they should let go of that multi-million dollar New York penthouse and move into a condo instead? Maybe sell some of those vintage paintings that they bought on a whim two years ago?

Last year, I saw bankers look for jobs driven by the euphoria of “How much is ‘much more’? “ Today I wonder if they’re thinking, “How little is just enough?”

In stark irony, here is a video clip from the classic movie “Wall Street” that glorifies greed. Looking back from here, today; now; maybe we will see things differently.

THREE MINUTE THOUGHTS

This post is dedicated to the few thoughts that have claimed over 3 minutes of my thinking time over the last few weeks. For, the rest have just come and gone; just like that.

Since 2004 we have moved residence at least once a year. Save for one really special family I don’t remember any of our neighbors in any of these places. In Tokyo we had no expectations of neighbors. In Pune, we got very lucky. We met a family that we have been in touch with since. In Philadelphia, during the early days of last year, our maintenance guy introduced us to the lady across our apartment. She was old. She had been living there for the last 30 years. Her husband had passed away a few years ago. She lived alone. When I passed her door most days I heard sounds of the T.V – mostly the news. She had an electric bell fitted outside the door. And she hung a little picture of a painted flower on her door. It had a small wooden frame and a cheerful effect about it. Sometimes when we met in the hall we exchanged a polite greeting. Two weeks ago, I heard noises – of boxes and things being moved. When I was sure nobody was in the hallway, I opened the door and saw boxes and crates piled on each other waiting for their turn. The old lady’s apartment was open; I wondered if she was in there. People mind their own business here – I wasn’t sure if I should step out of the boundary. Where was she moving to after all these years? To live with her children? I stayed indoors and uneasily listened to all the shuffling outside. It was strange; I barely knew her and yet I already missed her. The next morning, I peeked outside cautiously, there was no movement. I walked up to her door. The picture was missing. I stared at the blank space.

Once we had walked into the elevator together. When it was time to get off, I stepped aside and gestured to her step out first. She looked at me, smiled and said “Age before beauty. Always.” Another rainy day, I met her in the hallway; I noticed she didn’t have an umbrella and I asked her the same. “Oh, that’s quite alright”, she said. “I walked in between the raindrops”.

And now my witty neighbor was gone. I would never know her better. Wherever she is, I hope she is fine.

It was a grey day. You’d think it was chilly, but it was really humid. And there was a spray of rain, almost imperceptible, that settled on your clothes without your knowing it. As I walked on the footpath, fleeting faces of people made second-long impressions on my mind. A probable story about each emerged. They lasted a second, only to be replaced by the next face. I was crossing a signal. As I looked to the left, I saw people standing on the divider. A white American lady stood there in an oversized jacket, holding up a poster that said “OBAMA, SEND THEM HOME.” For a fleeting moment our eyes met and she mouthed to me “Thank you.” I smiled back. When I reached the other side, I thought about how we made that connection; what was it that made her understand that I supported her cause? Had I walked slower? The entire incident took place in less than ten seconds but when I thought about it everything seemed slower. I felt good – like I’d helped someone and had been helped back.

But you see, the thing was, I couldn’t vote.

Yesterday, I watched a movie called “Mumbai Meri Jaan.” It was about the seven bomb blasts that took place in the local trains on July 11^th 2006 and its aftermath on the daily lives of common people. It was a movie that was frank; it showed people and their irrational attitudes after a trauma of such proportion. Perhaps I wouldn’t have thought so much about the movie had I not been in Mumbai at the time. It might have been just another movie about just another terrorist event. Perhaps if I had not gone to the railway station that evening at 6:15 and been unable to get into the packed train. Perhaps if I had not gotten out of the auto-rickshaw and heard the vegetable seller tell me frantically to stay indoors and not come out. Perhaps if I had not walked to the station the next day, turned away at the station entrance and taken the auto-rickshaw to office instead. Perhaps if I had not stopped using the local train for the next few months.

In the movie, a Mumbai police-officer explains that we are all engaged in a vicious circle of inflicting pain on each other because we have each, been hurt. With each reciprocation, there are more people involved. Causes increase, Casualties increase. But if one person decides not to retaliate, the circle breaks. An end comes into sight. After all, an eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.

Maybe that is also why I eventually went back to using the local train. Why millions of others did. Because even though we fear reality we also have learned to live with it; live in it; live next to it – side by side.

A part of me will always identify with Mumbai – its travails and its grit. Sometimes we stare so long at that black dot on the white sheet that we forget what can do with all that white space. I could have been on that train, I could have had some of my limbs missing or my sight impaired. But I’m healthy and have seen several days after that day. And I’m thankful for it.